Hello World
Hello World,
It’s not your fault that you’re going to fall victim to my superior intellect. Your puny brains could only pale in comparison to my own.
You see, I’m what you might call an “idea man.” There’s nothing that exists that I couldn’t make better (except for scrambled eggs, which are as good as they’re ever going to be). I make it my business to know everything about everything. I make Ken Jennings look like Lennie Small. My taste in all things art and culture is unmatched. I don’t particularly care about fashion, but if I did, I’d make Anna Wintour look like a bag lady (I don’t even have to know about a thing to know I know more than people who know most about it). I’m on the pulse of current events – including events that certain governments and high-powered individuals would rather keep quiet – and I know so much about history that I have, on more than one occasion, been assumed to be in possession of a Wayback Machine or a modified DeLorean (alas, only a matter of time!). And naturally, I’m an expert in all of the sciences and engineering. I invent things you that you would only believe existed in science fiction movies, such as the Matrix, which I invented when I was six years old as a punishment for my pet hamsters after they revolted and refused to run their wheels on command. Since I was using energy generated by their wheels to power my Fission Shredder (hard copies of documents are a liability), you can see where this would be a problem. Once hooked into the Matrix, their brain energy powered the wheel and they thought they were licking salt wheels. Of course, it overheated rather quickly and then they weren’t much use to me…but the point is I invented the Matrix.
It was clear early on which directed I was headed.
I could probably use my genius to do something you’d all consider “great,” like curing cancer. But I don’t have cancer.
What I do have is a growing legion of minions and henchmen (I don’t even have to try – power just attracts a following) and ideas about pretty much everything. And they’re better than yours. The ideas, the minions could use some work.
Maestro Malevolent Knows More Than You 